


Coffee Beans

by princessoftheworlds



Category: Torchwood
Genre: BAMF Ianto, Crack Treated Seriously, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-06
Updated: 2020-11-06
Packaged: 2021-03-08 18:47:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 418
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27421441
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/princessoftheworlds/pseuds/princessoftheworlds
Summary: Ianto is left to defend himself and an unconscious Jack from aliens with an unusual weapon.
Relationships: Jack Harkness/Ianto Jones
Comments: 4
Kudos: 34





	Coffee Beans

**Author's Note:**

> Self-explanatory. Enjoy!

They’ve been here a thousand times before, pinned against a dirty brick wall by advancing aliens, guns jammed.

Ianto hates this.

“ _Just a standard Rift call, Ianto,_ ” he mocks in a poor imitation of Jack’s booming accent as he props up Jack’s slumped body against the wall. Jack doesn’t even have the decency to lean in the right direction. Thankfully, he’s only unconscious, not dead. “ _We won’t need any special weapons._ ”

He sighs. Then his eyes stretch wide in alarm, and he ducks just seconds before a sonic blast explodes into the brick behind where his head had previously been, sending clouds of dust and dirt billowing into the air. He coughs into the sleeve of his suit, one sleeve ripped beyond repair.

He should really rip off the other sleeve - he likes the symmetry - but can’t do that considering that he has to lug his unconscious boyfriend down the block to the SUV.

“C’mon, c’mon. There’s gotta be something,” Ianto murmurs as he leans down and begins to rifle through the pockets of Jack’s greatcoat. Keys, wallet, condoms, more condoms, little packets of lube, a loose handful of pennies, a lone wrapped mint. He moves to the other side and immediately withdraws his hand, wrinkling his nose in disgust.

He’s going to have to lecture Jack about dropping wrapped bits of food in his pockets again and then sitting without a care. That, or this sticky red stuff on Ianto’s fingers is blood instead, but he’s been at Torchwood long enough to know that it’s not.

Finally, Ianto slips a hand towards one of Jack’s inside pockets, sighing. He feels something oddly heavy and lumpy and triumphantly withdraws…a bag of coffee beans?

Well, it is from Ianto’s favorite cafe across Cardiff, which means that if Jack has these, he would have had to specially have driven to buy them, and Ianto doesn’t know when he had time to do that.

Nor does he have time to wonder.

“Have I lost my mind?” Ianto asks himself. “Maybe. Am I hoping this works?” He rips open the bag and grabs a handful of beans. He winces. This is going to be such a waste. “Yes.”

Ianto tosses his handful of beans ahead of him, towards the advancing aliens, and holds his breath.

Twenty minutes later, when Jack finally comes to, rubbing his sore head, he finds Ianto standing over several reeking puddles of green goo oozing over…loose coffee beans?

“Ah,” Jack groans. “You found your surprise gift.”

**Author's Note:**

> Find me on tumblr [here](http://princess-of-the-worlds.tumblr.com/) or on Twitter [here](https://twitter.com/rajkumarinik). I tweet and reblog mostly Torchwood with occasionally amusing commentary on nonsense. Please come talk to me and tell me if/how much you like my fic or like ask me about it on tumblr; all my schoolwork has become remote now, and I have limited social interaction.


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